What could I look forward to this New Year?

Every one talks about that one ‘best year ever’ and then reminisce about how everything in that year was just right! But what tends to enter my ear canal a lot more, I realise as I grow older, is the ‘I can’t wait for this crappy year to end’ conversations. Like every year, 2017 has had it’s share of ups and down and for some more downs than ups and vice versa. I’ve been told it’s my rose-coloured-glasses-wearing that makes me look at it this way, that is, even with more downs, how can one not look at all the wonderful things that happened in the year? Personally, the number of great people I got to meet, things I learnt about myself and my when-he-does-the-laundry-better half, the new foods I got to taste, the music that’s been around for ages but just discovered, the new places I got to see and the fact that I’m still in one piece, even through health hiccups, and wake up to see another day with the sun shining is enough for me to call it a great year. How can I not!



I must say I do have one bone to pick with new years and that is that it runs swiftly into my favourite time of the year, i.e., Christmas, bringing it to a halt almost instantly. ‘Merry Christmas’ turns to ‘What plans for New Year’s and that makes me want to eat all the plum cake received in one sitting trying to retain any Christmas feelings lost in hearing that sentence. Alternatively, if New year’s didn’t bump itself in where it does, I’ve been told and agree ever-so-unwillingly, my tree would be up till about March. So I comply.

So what does one get to look forward to in 2018? The same thing that one looks forward to the every new year; a new beginning, a trial of keeping up resolutions and setting them in optimism, making new friends who seem like they’ve been part of your life forever, tastes you never knew you loved, sights you can’t believe are real, the hardest laughter that bring you pain, pains that bring you lessons, and plain ol’ good hope that the year will be our ‘best year ever’.

A thank you.

If you told me a year back that I would be juggling a company, freelancing and still (kinda) leading a rather otherwise productive & normally social life, I would have told you to keep quiet and get me some chips. If you told me two years ago that I would love Instagram, enjoy posting and have a family of 60K people, I would have told you to go away but get me some more chips. And if you told me this little company would, in just over a year, hit it’s 5000th order, have an employee, a few contracts and steal hearts, I would have kicked you out to start a chips shop for me. And here I am, chip-less, with all of the above, drenched with love and happiness with the goodness that has passed my way. I don’t even know how to be more grateful so I can only do it with a gigantic big hug to the universe and love to every single one of you. For your kind words daily, the loving mails that truly bring a tear to my eyes, my team who support me through my stubbornness, and for making this possible! I never dreamt of any of this, so I'm kind of floored that I am this blest. I love you guys to the stars and back!

Ask Alicia: To draw and where to draw, that is the question.

Email from 'Feline Friend'

…

 I too am an artist who uses fabric as canvas...and I am writing to you in the same capacity. I want to talk and know about how you managed to do what you really like and create a niche workplace and business for yourself. I am not writing in hope to collaborate or find a job with you. I just want to resolve a conflict I am facing, where I feel I do not belong to a certain commercial industry because I want to work with various things, want to do non-conformative work that utilizes my skill as an illustrator. I have a job presently, but its just a job and not that something drives me. Its something that pays and keeps me out of home for major part of the day. That's all. I fill sketchbooks after sketchbooks with explorations..themes and patterns but cant decide an outlet for them. I just want some guidance and want to talk to someone who comes from a similar place as I do. Thanks!

…

-A Feline Friend

Hello hello Ms. Feline Friend, 

The best kind of job in the world is when you’re getting paid doing something you absolutely adore doing. I consider myself stunningly lucky in this regard, though part of every job includes bits that is not too fun to do. In my case, a lot of my job is NOT drawing. It involves talking to clients, accounts, working on briefs that are not always amazingly exciting, and sometimes even drawing when I truly just don’t feel like it. 

I think one of the things I realised early on is that I’m working as a commercial illustrator and not an artist. Though I use my heart, I have to also use my head when it comes to working with clients and making a brief work. I realised that it’s also a business and I need to make money for me to make this work as a job. Not only a job, but a career. 

Starting out is always a bit hard. I created a niche by just doing and doing a lot of it. I can almost compare it to digging a hole. When you start digging, it's too small to notice but if you keep at it, you have a hole that only you're standing it and more people can see it. I had to keep doing a lot of things that I wasn't too keen on doing, like talking about money or drawing things that arn't exactly my cup of tea. Same with the business/online store. I think I got lucky with the online store because I have a partner who keeps me on my toes. But it took a lottt of self-convincing because I really wasn't sure I could handle another responsibility. But I could! So sometimes taking risks also pay off. 

Lastly, is probably thinking about how your work can see the light of day. Some art is purely art and may not work commercially, but then perhaps you can work towards an exhibition. I’ve not seen your work so I can’t suggest but I truly think you’d be the best critic. Would your paintings look great on walls? Where can it extend beyond fabric? What’s next? Can you make money out of it? Is it a hobby or do you want it to earn an income? Will it be able to support you? (a little bit more in this AA response)

Just glazing through these in your mind and just taking the first step towards an outcome that you see fit, is the start. No one, or atleast I, don’t have big plans but have vague three year plans. That’s good so there’s something to aim towards. They change, almost always but having a goal in mind, always helps. 

I hope this did too and all the best!

Kisses, 

Alicia

A random love note.

Just over a year ago, I told Saurabh, my now business partner, that we can open the store under two conditions. One is that it’s entirely his responsibility to operate and I will just give him the artworks and product direction. Two, that it’s purely a test run and that we’re going to be closing it in February, right after Valentines Day, which I figured is the last real ‘festive’ day post the season. February came and went and Saurabh convinced me to keep the store open, I also got a lot more work to do than just ‘send artworks’ and I truly didn’t know how it was possible then, but I just got a lot more happier. (maybe also a lot more tired). A lot more smiles for a few more dark circles is great barter deal, I reckon. 

Today I went to see the ‘office space’ we’re renovating. An office. Me. An office. The first time I went there, which was just a week and a bit ago, I got a mild attack of ‘what the hell am I doing taking on this much responsibility’ but I comforted myself know I’m following my rule of always doing things that make me mildly uncomfortable, because then I know I’m doing something new and different. This works because I have a very ‘loves-routine’ sort of personality and here’s where I can be the only person to admit that I always wanted a 9-5 growing up. Sigh! 

So, coming back, I went to the office and Saurabh had saved a bunch of notes from customers. Beautiful, handwritten, loving notes. My eyes may not have shed tears but my heart actually melted. You know that extreme love you feel when you see a puppy playing with another and you, kind of, just want to die because god! how am I living after seeing this cuteness! No? Am I the only one with these extreme feelings? (I’ve been told yes, I’m the only one, but I forbid to think that I am) Anyway, the notes are on my desk now and I realise everyone even taking a second to see my work, is everything to me. Everyday is a birthday celebration with the niceness that you’ll shower, even thorough sometimes crappy courier service, late deliveries, unanswered calls. So much niceness! I feel like maybe the newspapers got it all wrong. Life is truly beautiful and the world does have so much of heaven!

I don’t know where I was going with this but I feel a bit too loved. Always more than I feel I deserve and I just felt like saying thank you randomly. So, well, thank you. 

Update-ish

I realise that I can begin every post with ‘I have to give up sleep time to write’ and will refrain yet again. This is one habit I’ve failed to keep up as other habits flourished. I try not being disappointed with my excuses of ‘not quiet enough’ and ‘time, no time’ and know that I did spend my time wisely on other things.

The store has been doing spendidly and I am grateful from the bottom of my heart for the support that I could never have imagined. I’m truly blest and I keep saying it because I cannot be thankful enough.
There have been hiccups like keeping stock at hand at all times, running after the manufacturers to send things on time, still handling projects, having a drawing to post a day, working on what products to do next, searching for new vendors and still having a personal and social life sometimes makes me really appreciate Shavasana at yoga class.

Christmas is ahead and I can’t wait! Not for any other reason but it just being Christmas. I’m yet to begin on the calendar too! February is when we close shop (I don’t think many realise that it’s just a pop-up shop for season) and I secretly kept Feb because I have an excuse to draw hearts that month. Haha.

I know I had a million things to jot down but I guess my brain is switching off it’s sensors as it’s time for bed soon. Long day ahead, as usual, as lovely.

My day today.

Today is a day for gratefulness. I started this day with a yearn for more sleep, anxious worry about bits and bobs left to do and a looming deadline that is meant to be the opening of the store. I worried and then worried that I didn't worry enough. And then it opened.

I'm overwhelmed by the loveliness that is the internet and the beautiful people using it. Ecstatic that I have support from beautiful strangers who encourage me about what I love to do. Being thanked for doing what you love to do! I'm truly blest!

My first day almost down and the sales have exceeded even my furtherest imagination and I'm crossing fingers it stays just like that! I had two calls with a journalists, whom when I related the story of my journey, I felt like I was one of the lucky ones. And that hard work also pays off. Worked till about ten minutes ago, because hey, I work hard doing what I love!

Here's to an eventful tomorrow!

What's been happening

Every week day at 9pm, the electricity goes and leaves me typing in the dark. I live in a house where the wiring is all wonky and my UPS is only fixed to my computer because the rest of the house is fitted to one line. I'm grateful still. The computer light is the most important of the lot.

I remember when I moved to India, this was the oddest to get used to. The electricity not being a constant. But 5 years down and I hardly flinch. Sometimes the mild annoyance of not being able to make myself a cup of tea or coffee and perhaps when I can't iron my clothes if I was due to run out for a meeting or such. Maybe now is when I can say that I'm perhaps settled in then!

The store is going to be up and running in two days. I've been working a whole whole lot. Regular jobs and the store while maintaining a sane lifestyle is leaving me well, a little less sane that I usually am.

Cross fingers all goes well:)

What's in the age.

So, funny story, a friend of mine told me that when she goggle'd my name, a popular search, even before 'Alicia Souza amazon' was 'Alicia Souza age'. I laughed. (and secretly checked…and it's true!!) So, that's what people want to know!

In short, as of date, I am 28 years old. It's (WAYYY) older than I feel but as wise as I've ever been.
Age can be scary. When I was a teenager, I imagined myself at this age a whole lot different. Infact my thoughts of me were always the most 'normal'. I imagined that by now I would probably be on my way to becoming a mother, well settled in a 9-5 job and being happy. When I think of that now, I think I've overshot by a mile. Well, I am a mother, though to a furry child, I work in a 24 hour job (if you consider sleep as working too) and I'm beyond happy. Happier than I've ever been and the happiest I could ever imagine. In fact I scare myself with the happy bit.

Settled? probably not.. but it's the best. When I think of the word 'settled', I imagine mundane, which is what I think it means. A life with not too many up and downs and no real surprises. The kind I imagined I wanted when I was young. It seemed safe and being brought up in Abu Dhabi, that's the only life I'd seen. Now I can't imagine being 'settled' even if I did raise a family (beyond furries --haha furries just autocorrected to curries…well they'd be little curries then). A life being lived and not on autopilot. It makes me worried, keeps me busy and oh so happy.

Age, so funny! Ageing, rather!
One day I'm going to feel old and wise, but for now I'll just settle with 'young (at heart) and a little silly'. It will do for now.

One of those busy days.

The world's been on my shoulders with a days to-do-list that can be compiled in a book. It's all good though, everything's (kind of) on track and there's surprise work on my fingertips. Itching to begin things so bad! It's been busy for everyone I guess. My housemate, Anu, is back in town and there are days like today, when she works from home, and our house is a little factory of ideas. Sometimes though, I suddenly realise that the only noise from the two of us sitting at either end of the same room is the harsh quick taps on the keyboard and Charlie breathing. The intensity can be cut with a knife.
Then we call each other out, make pizza and watch a terrible episode of a trashy tv show only to end up talking and not realising the show concluded amidst our conversation about love, love and business.

Tale of toast.

I never saw the point of toast. Adding texture to already decent bread just never got me. Also the texture of butter really wasn't too pleasing. It's so 'slippery', you can almost call it 'slimy'. I'd had my bread plain or with a sandwich, sans the butter.
I gradually adapted to the taste of butter. I feel like along with my brain, my taste buds grew up. I'm fine with almost anything. Butter was fine and so was toast, but still, what's the point when I can have it in it's original chewy texture.
About a year ago, I fell ill. I don't fall ill too often but when I do, I curl in the corner and update my will. I prefer not seeing anyone and get annoyed with myself. It's a horrid state to be in and you'd be in a horrid state to be with someone like me then. I lived on toast and tea for a week. That's long for me. Also, even in deathly states, I threw in some chips. It's my drug of choice.
I felt better with every crunch of the toasted bread and though I remember not tasting it, that slippery slimy butter was the best thing that happened to sliced bread.
And now, I'm officially an addict. I love the stuff. Everytime I see bread, I can't help but think 'Perhaps some toast then?'. It doesn't help that it goes well with tea.
Why am I writing this long yarn about my love for buttered toast? Because I want to eat one right now and I thought this would be a great distraction as the water boils for tea.
Well, that was officially a failed distraction.

Them songs

Do you have this intense love for certain types of music? I'm not too much of a music person, wherein I can go for a few days, especially if I'm busy, without a song. But then I play a country song and I pretty much melt into a putty of sighs and hearts. What is this super-intense pleasurable ear-orgasms that happen with certain songs? For me it's definitely got a squeeze of good ol'nostalgia but falling in such deep love with a tune questions my senses.
Sigh, Excuse me while George replays.

On learning.

I tend to try and be learning something all the time. The keyword here is 'try'. A course, a skill, a subject, a hard dish, a routine. I did succeed a number of times but there were also a number of times I proved myself with all the enthusiasm required and then let it go. I stopped going the whole hog with the procrastination routine or the schedule-blaming and just stop entirely and then start curiosity another anew.

At this current moment, I'm trying desperately to learn a new programme. I remember when I was first trying to learn Photoshop, it was so full of effort but every thing I learnt proved so useful and pat-on-the-backish. Now every time I learn something, I smack myself on the knuckles for not doing it quicker and for it not looking as good as I want it to. Anu, my housemate, and me were talking about it and we asked, is it age that makes us want perfection a lot more, hence making learning a lot more difficult? I don't believe it's patience because by-gum, I had the patience of an ant when I was younger and this is probably the most patient I've ever been. That's not saying much about that virtue and me! What about priority? Maybe if this skill-requirement was indispensable for further scaling, it would have been easier. That may be it really. Necessity being the mother of real learning.

Brain note.

What I'm doing right now and why I feel like I need to employ my shadow.
1) Illustrating one big project
2) Pitching (more like figuring out a financial solution) for one big project.
3) Have 3 sketchbooks to ink beside me
4) Have 6 images to colour this morning.
5) Have a meeting at 12.
6) Have one book on Kindle to finish that is fabulous (Drinking:a Love story)
7) One book that's taken me more than a few months to finish, though is even more fabulous (Happiness Hypothesis)
8) Invoices to draft.
9) One online course in Child Psychology in progress
10) One online course on learning to use the DSLR in progress (refresher. and my phone camera conked)
11) Need to meet the printer.
12) 10pm double-date-movie and dinner night. (yay!)
12) Need to groom, desperately. (haha <- nervous laugh)
13) Have to stop by the post office.
14) Fix phone.
That's it for today, I think. Atleast I don't have to make dinner.
(I make lists of things that are worrying me so I can rid of them in my brain once I have it on paper. It works like a charm!)

Labour-ing day.

I promised myself to be more diligent with writing, though I'm finding it even harder to make time these days. When I think my days look neater ahead, bits roll in in twos. I'm grateful, of course, but that turns to guilt rather quickly when certain things aren't ticked off for the day. Realistically, I started planning my new year trying to schedule only 10 items per day. Ten overall including three biggies. I found that that works in comfort and realism. My scheduled day, today, has three times that number and then I sigh at the end of the day when I have a carry over. Also, another big notice is that I have been scheduling work for my 'learning' time. I try keeping nights for 'learning' (this could be anything from reading about sloth sleep timings to an excel shortcut) and because I just have so many little things on my plate at the moment, I move the bits that can be moved, i.e., the learning or reading. Well, on the bright side, I'm involved in so much lovely work and I think I can see a clearer horizon in June. That may be a month of learning then!
Oddly enough, Anu, my start-up friend and business-talker, was telling me that she feels the same way. She added how she's been feeling like she's worked so hard and has nothing to show. I think I'm lucky in that case, in the sense that my work is more tangible. I have a physical output of seeing a file or a drawing that took up my time. Ok enough cribbing, I have to reschedule my day for tomorrow and add in a few.
ok bye bye, Ta ta!

Dear Me

Today I wrote a letter from me to me. I thought I had more to say but the minute my pencil came to the paper, I could only write a page. I remember having this problem when I was little too and was writing diary entries. My thoughts moved way faster than my pen, like I'm imagining most peoples do, and I could never remember what I wanted to say and that frustrated me endlessly. Then I moved onto, sadly, the computer. I could type as fast as I could speak and that made it easier.
Anyway, this letter will be for me to open in 5 years, so if I write one every year, in five years, it will be a cycle of opening and writing. That would be nice. Scary to think-five years! I don't even want to mention where I could be or what I could be doing. It spooks me! (also secretly excites!)

Tina Seelig's diagrams make me sigh.

Tomorrow I'll be heading to a Women's Day event at Cognizant. Prepped a little chat on 'Creativity and getting ideas'. At the end of my research, I bumped into this video and fell in love.
Do you have this feeling of kissing people who speak beautifully and with so much knowledge. I just want to hug them and give them a peck on the cheek and then, perhaps, run away swiftly. Well, this was one of those moments. That diagram itself was so seamless. sigh!

Ok go now and watch.

Ingrate's item

Many moons ago, when I was trying so desperately to do my folio with my brother's hand-me-down computer, with a RAM of 256MB, I remember telling myself that one day when I upgrade to 512 MB, I would be proud that I stuck through the horror of clicking 'save' and then making a cup of tea and coming back to see it's '70% saved'. A decade later, with a computer that's over 10 times faster, I reminded myself, when I was impatiently grumbling at that swirly rainbow loading ball, that the rest of the world and I call 'the pinwheel of death', that I should be grateful. My former self would have smiled on the future me and said 'don't be a bloody ingrate'. So I smiled, and wrote this little hateful-grateful note.